MY STRUGGLE WITH ALCOHOL

Hey Guys. This post is one that I wasn’t planning on sharing for a while, until my friend suggested I should. My reasoning behind keeping this to myself was because if I didn’t share what I am about to share, and I mess up, no one can hold me accountable. No one would know that I fucked up. But, in all honesty, holding shit back really doesn’t do much for anyone. So here we are. I’m am just going to get right into it today.  October 10th marks 31 days of  me being sober. Not a slip of alcohol. A milestone, but not really. I have done this before, so this territory is somewhat new, but I still have a big journey ahead of me.  I went through 35-ish days without drinking alcohol back in January of this year. And then I started again. Why? I don’t really know. Because  alcohol is easily accessible? Maybe. Because it is socially acceptable? Probably.

THE BEGINNING

I’ll start at the beginning, as most of you will probably ask, why? Why are you not drinking alcohol? Well, there are a few reasons; some I am ready to share, others might have to wait. For one, I have decided to do the 80 Day Obsession Program again, and they suggest avoiding alcohol for that period of time. Two, I drank excessive amounts of cider and sangria this summer, and wanted to give my body a break from it. And third, if I am being honest, I thought alcohol brought out my best self; you know, fun, outgoing, life of the party Shannon- and it did, but it also brought out a shit side to me as well. One that I couldn’t trust- AKA, not my best self.

I wouldn’t actually know who I was when I was drinking. I am the “can hold her liquor” type of girl, but in the end, I am still a shit show mess of a tornado. Thinking back on my life, I didn’t get into trouble every time I drank, but every time I got into trouble, I was drinking. And I really hated that feeling. Alcohol has been a stable in my life since I was 13 or 14- it was always my drug of choice (and the gateway drug in my opinion). It’s the one you get your hands on first, in most cases. It’s the one everyone seems to do, and its socially acceptable.

I woke up one day (Sept 9th), after a brutal hangover (not to mention wasted the entire day in bed), thinking to myself, “WTF?!” and didn’t want to wake up like that anymore. I was tired of a summer being unhappy and feeling like a big bag of dicks. I decided that I would commit to 90 days of sobriety. And like I said, I have tried this before, and I made it a month before I got persuaded to drink again. I used to think, “Wow, 90 days? That is a LONG time. Woah, alcoholics in recovery? I don’t know how they can never have a drink again! That seems impossible!” It is weird to think that now, because as I am actually living it, it doesn’t seem that impossible anymore. I am not writing this post for sympathy, or a “wow, look at me I am so noble” type of image- no. I am simply sharing what’s going on with me at this time, maybe in hopes someone else is going through something similar and I can help in some sort of way.

SICKENING STATS

I am learning that there are many different type of alcoholics. People will have their own opinion on what is and what isn’t considered an alcoholic. I never really thought about alcohol in that way and that maybe I could be one. I could always take it or leave it…if I wasn’t in the mood to party. I never would have a glass of wine with dinner because I liked the taste of it. I have two sides to me; either I drink everything, or I am fine without it (when I am not in the mood to party) Then, I read this:

Young Adult Subtype: “This is the most prevalent subtype, making up 31.5 percent of people who are alcohol dependent. The average age of dependent young adults is 25 years, and they first became dependent at an average of age 20. They tend to drink less frequently than people of other types (an average of 143 days a year). However, most of their drinking is binge drinking – they drink five or more drinks on an average of 104 (73 percent) of those days. On drinking days, the average maximum number of drinks is 14. This pattern of alcohol use is more likely to be hazardous than non-binging patterns.”

Thats meeeee ^^^^^^. Can anyone else relate? I am sure a lot of us can, and for most, it might not effect your life that much. I didn’t think it did for me, until I really got still and started to look at the bigger picture alcohols effect had on my life. Oh, and then these stats really hit home with me:

  • At least 1,825 students die from alcohol-related accidental injuries.
  • Over 690,000 students are assaulted by another student who has been drinking.
  • More than 97,000 students are victims of alcohol-related date rape or sexual assault.
  • About 599,000 students are unintentionally injured while they are under the influence of alcohol.
  • Over 150,000 students develop alcohol-related health problems.
  • About 25 percent of students experience school-related consequences from their alcohol consumption, such as being late to or missing classes, falling behind on coursework, doing poorly on homework, exams or papers, and receiving overall lower grades.

1825 students die from alcohol related accidental injuries. My dear friend Olivia was killed by a drunk driver this summer. FOR WHAT?? Some assholes decision to not pay for a cab?#FU!!!!! More than  690,000 students have been assaulted by someone drinking, and over 97,000 students are victims of alcohol related date rape or sexual assault. WTF-Holy hell! This freaking SICKENS me. The #MeToo movement has been so powerful, and it is what is needed right now. The Dr. Ford case, the news about Bill Cosby… I too have been a victim of assault and for a long time I was ashamed and never shared my story because I thought it was my fault- actually I have never shared that story publicly, and maybe in this time of the #Metoo movement it will be time to share soon, but what makes all these stories so prevalent, so common, so similar is because a lot of this SHIT starts with a drink. Ugh, makes me so sick.

THE BIG PICTURE

When I thought about giving up alcohol, I thought about the bigger picture. If I want to be a global yoga teacher, or an influence in that way; I really gotta start with myself. This spiritual journey I am on keeps teaching me things everyday, and it just came time to listen to my body and to my spirit to stop for a bit, before it got worse. Am I going to quit it forever? I don’t know. Will I go past 90 days? Maybe? This is an experiment for me to decide what it is like on the other side, and how I feel after those 90 days. I thought it was going to be hard, and maybe my hard days are well ahead, but for now, I am focused on other things that don’t revolve around alcohol, and I am  just taking it one day at a time. That is all I can really do, take it one day at a time. That is all any of us can do.

So yes ,today I should be proud- I have made it 1/3 way to my goal and I feel really great about it. I have loved waking up on the weekends not being hungover; I feel good. I can honestly say I am looking forward to these next 60 days and what I discover. If you made it this far, thank you for reading, it means so much. I am accountable now, shits real… so thanks 😛  Have you been through a similar journey? I would love to hear your story- feel free to comment here or slide into my DM’s. I love you, and we’ll talk soon,

Namaste 

 

7 thoughts on “MY STRUGGLE WITH ALCOHOL”

  1. Shannon, this post struck me because I gave up having drinks on September 4 after a summer of having wine with friends and family on camping trips (sleeping with three kids in a tent, in the rain, sometimes requires wine). In my case it was panic attacks that made me take a break, because too much alcohol slows down my body, exacerbating my anxiety and boom, I wake up having a panic attack. On the one hand it sucks, but on the other hand it serves as a good reminder that maybe it’s time to take a break.

    In any event, I wanted to say good for you, even if you return to having a few drinks after the 90 days (which I probably will) your self-awareness is admirable and so is your willingness to share. I’ve grown up around substance abuse and addictions and seen it in my husband’s family and one of the worst things about it is that it’s always a badly kept secret. Not taking about it doesn’t help anyone. I wish you all the best in your journey. Enjoy the sun. M

    1. Meghann, I LOVE YOU! Thank you for the comment… I too grew up around it and I have seen the devastation it does to families. 🙁 We can keep each other in line 🙂 I am proud of you for taking a break! Our bodies deserve it! xooxxoo

  2. Girl, you are amazing and I wish you all the luck and happiness life has to offer!!! ❤️ I’m so proud of you for taking this road of self discovery and accountability. You are a strong, beautiful woman and deserve to be happy and healthy! Cheers! 😘

  3. I have to show thanks to the writer for rescuing me from such a condition. Just after checking throughout the internet and seeing suggestions which are not beneficial, I believed my life was well over. Existing without the solutions to the problems you’ve solved by way of your main report is a crucial case, and the ones which may have in a negative way affected my career if I had not noticed your blog post. Your own personal capability and kindness in controlling every aspect was helpful. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I hadn’t discovered such a thing like this. I’m able to at this point look forward to my future. Thank you so much for the skilled and sensible help. I will not hesitate to suggest your web sites to anybody who should have counselling about this situation.

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