MISSING YOU

Hey guys, Happy Monday. I haven’t been super consistent on here lately so I apologize!!!For some reason, peeps aren’t getting their email notifications for the posts that they have signed up for. I am trying to fix that!  I have however, been thinking about what I actually want to do with my life (LOL) and what I can offer the world. If anything, 2018 has been the year of reflection and focus for me. Reeeeally getting back to basics, grounding myself. This time last year I was busy meeting with people who could help put my blog together. It is crazy that the blog has almost been up for a full year. WOW, time seems to go by faster each day. Although I wasn’t sure if I was going to post this, I feel like it is necessary because my blog is about sharing my life with you.

This October has been nothing short of a beautiful month! No rain, gorgeous colours- PERFECT DEFINITION OF FALL! But, something that wasn’t so perfect; far from actually was the disappearance of my beloved cat, Pablo.  Yeah, I am fucking sad about it I won’t lie. Pablo is my bengal cat who had just celebrated his 5th birthday in September. On October 9th, he never came home. Now, I know some people might be thinking, “What? A bengal? You let him outside? He is so beautiful…that was a stupid idea”etc. Yes- I realize my cat was beautiful and that he had the potential to be stolen (I don’t know if that is the case here), but if you lived with Pablo you would know that he was a freak and needed to be an outdoor cat, or your house would be destroyed.

When I first bought my babe home, the plan was to keep him an indoor cat. Until the day he saw the opportunity to blot outside a cracked door! I was in a panic! It took me almost two hours to get him back. I realized then, that this guy has a natural tendency to want to go outside- he is part wild. I can either force him to stay inside, and risk losing him again without him knowing his surroundings, or I can train him to know where home is and monitor his activity outside.  Well, that is what I did and it was great. Pablo would come when I called him… sometimes not right away (he would always come on the third call if they calls were spread apart), but he was a good cat. We had great neighbours too. People would call me and say, “Hey, we have your cat. We saw him outside and he looked really pretty, we weren’t sure if he was allowed out”.  There were a couple other calls we got, (when after I called him 3 times and he didn’t come) I knew something was up. Luckily, neighbours called us saying our cat walked into their house and started licking his balls on their bed LOL! Another time it was because he was hurt by something and couldn’t move his back legs. It looked like he fell from a high distance. That was a scary time (since then, he made a full recovery).

So, long story short- we moved to a new area and I continued to let Pablo out- however, our backyard is a ravine. Back in June, Pablo didn’t come home for about 30 hours… it was so strange. After looking for him all day and night he finally came home around 745am on a Monday morning. Steve and I thought that perhaps he was in someones garage and got out when they went to work. We decided to buy GPS trackers after that-and we used them for a bit, but the charge didn’t last long. Plus the chargers themselves were not the greatest, so we used them sporadically. I wish I had used it the day he left. 🙁

Over the years, we had fallen into a bad habit, where I would let my cats out during the day when I wasn’t at home. I used to only let them out in the day time, when I was around. It was on October 9th, and I was going to work for 430pm. I saw Pablo in the drive way cleaning himself and sun bathing. I though to myself, “Aw, you look so cute and relaxed in the sun, I’ll be back from work around 8pm to let you back in”.  I got home around 930pm, later then I had expected, and it was dark out. I hated leaving the cats out at night just because of creature reasons. Anyways, Cam, my other cat, is always close around the house, and usually waiting by the door to get in. He was at the top of the driveway when I got home. Pablo on the other hand, is a wanderer. He actually started to get a little fat, from all the neighbours here feeding him. I digress; I call him when I get home, and he doesn’t show up. Not a huge deal, I thought. He has done this before, I’ll call 3 times. I call, nothing. Steve comes home around 11pm. He goes out to look and call. Nothing. Steve (bless his heart) wakes up at 1am, and 3am, and 5am to call for Pablo. Nothing.

Again, we didn’t worry too much, because he had done this once before not too long ago, and we didn’t want to cry wolf. But, soon it turned into 48 hours, then 60 hours, then a week, and now today marks two weeks since we have seen our baby. Posters, door knocking. No one has seen him. Apparently, our neighbours did see a coyote that day he had gone missing, which makes me feel so sick :(. Steve and I heard coyotes howling a few nights ago too, which doesn’t make us feel any better. Losing a pet fucking sucks. They are apart of the family. I think it is worse when you don’t know the whole story. I can’t imagine what parents feel like when a child goes missing and they never have any closure. It is just horrible stuff. Cam, Pablo’s brother, has been so cuddly the past two weeks. They were the best of friends and cuddle buddies, and I can tell Cam has a sad look on his face. The whole thing just sucks.

What if I just put him inside that day, would he still be here? I could go over it all again and again in my head but whats done is done. I have no idea if Pabs is alive or not. If he got stolen or not. I just hope he is safe. A part of Steve and I’s heart’s hurt.  I’ll end this post with a letter to my Pablo. I haven’t given up hope Pablo, this is a letter to you:

My heart hurts so much when I wake up and your not there cuddled up beside me. Or how you wouldn’t let me sleep in and play with my necklaces and mirror to get me out of bed. You were my first Kitty I had on my own. You were my friend, my cuddle buddy when I had no

one else. I still remember the first day I brought you home and you were so scared but then you warmed up to me and you fell asleep in my arms. The first few nights, I cried myself to sleep because I miss you. This is shitty and it’s driving me crazy wondering what happened to you. I wish I knew. I wish I could have protected you from whatever happened. Now that it’s been a 2 weeks, and although I’m hopeful that maybe you’ll come strutting in, I’m coming to terms with not seeing you around the house.

 

 

Thank you for being exactly what I needed for the past 5 years.
Thank you for teaching me responsibility.
Thank you for being there for me.
Thank you for the cuddles.
Thank you for making me laugh.
Thank you for reminding me not to take moments with others for granted.
Thank you for the happiness you brought to mine and Steve’s lives. I love you so much Pablo, and where ever you are, I hope you are happy. You will always have a special place in my heart.

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