Two Years Alcohol FREE!
Two years ago on September 9th, 2018, I woke up from one of the worst hangovers of my life. I opened my eyes to see that I slept in my friends daughters room with my same clothes on from the night before (thank god I had clothes on). Feeling instant shame and regret as it was another time I had told my boyfriend of the time that I wouldn’t be home too late. I was out of integrity, again. Another broken promise, not only to him, but to myself.
Today however, I awake up with a whole new outlook and purpose. Hangover free and clear headed. Two years without a sip of alcohol.I honestly did not think I would get here. What started as a “Lets see if I can make 30 days” soon turned into “Well, I made it past 100, lets just keep going!” These two years have been beautiful, painful, ugly, raw, and full of immense joy. Of learning, unlearning and relearning about who I am as a woman, and who I was before alcohol came into my life.
I was around 13 when I had my first experience with alcohol; my best friend and I took some liquor from my parents stash, and got all silly with the neighbour next store. That was the beginning of my obsession to feel a certain type of way. To feel “fun” and “free” and “happy”.
The years continued to pass, and I continued to binge drink my way through the end of middle school and high school. Every weekend we would drink to get wasted, to not remember, to numb out. That pattern followed me well into my late twenties.
The list goes on and on about the stupid, idiotic crap I engaged in while under the influence (one of them receiving a breathalyzer in my car), but this post isn’t about reliving all the shame. This is a post about celebrating how far I have come.
This day is starting to feel way more exciting and meaningful then my real birthday. Two beautiful years of rediscovery. Of peeling back the layers that is Shannon. Of relearning to love myself. Of being present. It has been such a gift.
In the past two years I have gone through loss of friends (who have passed onto the other side, and friends who no longer are a vibrational match for me), loss of identity, and the loss of two very significant relationships. In the past I would numb out and suppress my feelings and unresolved childhood trauma with booze because that is all I knew how to do. It is such a gift to sit with all of yourself. All the pain. All the feelings of unworthiness. All the heartache. Being present with it all and allowing it to flow and pass through you. To transmute the pain into grace. To transform the losses into gains.
Sitting with it all; the light, the dark, the shadows. Dealing with being alone. Alone with myself. My thoughts. My fears. The real gift is to feel. To be present in the highs and the lows of the human experience. Not to check out and leave, but to stay strong and ride the wave. It took me years and years to finally make a different choice to say I’M DONE NOW. I couldn’t tell you how many times I had said “I am never drinking again,” after a long night out. I wasn’t ready until I was ready.
Because of that paradigm shift, my world is completely different and I wake up with gratitude for another day on earth. I no longer have that poison dictate my thoughts or emotions. I no longer listen to the bullshit lies it told me: “You won’t have any friends if you quit drinking. You won’t be funny. No one will like you and you will be boring”.
Something cool happens when you make decisions. The universe sends you events, people and things you need. I had one or two sober friends when I began my journey. Now, I meet more and more sober people everyday! When you change your energy and your intentions, you end up changing your life!
Alcohol kept me detached from my higher self; from the person I came here to be. It definitely is not all sunshine and rainbows, but once I was released from its spell, I had clear vision.
I am self expressed. I stand in my truth. I embrace all the parts of me. Deciding to leave alcohol behind was one of the biggest forms of self love I could declare. And I do not miss it. Drinking has become such a normalized past-time that we don’t even see the issues with it. We don’t see how completely unhealthy and toxic this activity is; for not only ourselves, but for future generations.
Sober September never really meant anything to me. I never planned on quitting booze in “Sober September”, but I guess my angels had other plans. September is a 9 month. The number 9 is a symbol for completion; the end of a cycle. I just love how the universe works. 🙂
I am beyond grateful for my choice two years ago, and I am excited for what is to come.
If you are “sober curious” and would like someone to talk to, I am here so please do not hesitate to reach out. Have you tried Sober September? How did you feel? If you are struggling, I have attached some resources. You don’t have to think about years down the road- just focus on the next 24 hours. That is really all we have.
I love you xo
My Previous blog on my struggle
https://www.help.org/alcohol-addiction/
